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If I controlled the Internet…




https://www.ted.com/talks/rives_controls_the_internet?utm_campaign=tedspread--a&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

If I controlled the Internet…

I.                   How would you complete the phrase in the title? Give at least three endings.
If I controlled the Internet…
1.
2.
3.

II.                Does this phrase refer to a real or an unreal situation? Does it refer to the present, the past or the future?

III.             How will you translate the following phrase:
I wish the Internet were more organized.
Does this phrase refer to a real or an unreal situation? Does this phrase refer to the present, the past or the future?

IV.             How else would you improve the Internet? Complete the following sentences with your own ideas.
1.      I wish ______________________________________________.
2.      I wish ______________________________________________.
3.      I wish ______________________________________________.
4.      I wish ______________________________________________.

V.                Make sure you know the following words.
to flirt, to be in charge of, mood swings, cranky, preoccupied, U-turn, silent treatment, intersection, shallow, baking pan, to stretch, dandy, to wage, to crave, loop, orchard , ski pole, sword, trashcan lid, shield, emperor , spit-bath, gruff, ginger-snaps, mortgage, enlarged, outlaw, deity, zip, whack, interfere, to anthem, psalm, to chant, blessed

VI.             Match the following sites with their descriptions.
eBay.com
online retail shop
Amazon.com
global online employment solution for people seeking jobs and the employers who need great people
MapQuest.com
Internet search engine
Napster.com
the world's largest online marketplace, where practically anyone can buy and sell practically anything
Monster.com
online community that connects people through networks of friends for dating or making new friends
Friendster.com
online mapping company
Google.com
peer-to-peer file sharing Internet service
VII.          What sort of services could these sites possibly provide if they existed?
childhood.com, Grandma.com, hotdiggitydog.com, gruff-ex-cop-on-his-fourth-marriage.dad, kind-of-ditzy-but-still-sends-ginger-snaps-for-Christmas.mom, hot-shit-hot-shot-god.net, dah-da-la-dat-da-dah-da-la-dat.com

VIII.       Watch the video and say whether the poet’s ideas are well-wishing or ill-meaning.

IX.             Watch the video again and complete the following phrases.
1.      If I were in charge of the Internet, you could Mapquest your lover's _________ swings. You could ___________ and understand every ___________ intersection.
2.      If I ________ the Internet, Napster, Monster and Friendster.com would be one big website. That way you could listen to cool music while you ___________ to look for a job and you're really just _________ with your pals.
3.      If I _________ the Web, you could email dead people. They would not email you back -- but you'd get an _____________ reply.
4.      If I _____________ the Internet, childhood.com would be a loop of a boy in an ____________, with a ski pole for a sword, trashcan lid for a shield, shouting, "I am the emperor of ______________.
5.      Grandma.com would be a ___________ for biscuits and spit-bath ____________.
6.      If I were ___________ of the Internet, I guess I'd still be ___________, but I would probably already have the _________ possible mortgage and the most enlarged possible penis -- so I would outlaw __________ on my first day in office. I'd be like some kind of Internet genius, and maybe I'd go ____________.
7.      I could zip through your ___________ and __________ like a virus.


X.                Make a list of all Internet/IT related words you heard in the video and make sure you pronounce them correctly.

Transcript
I wrote this poem after hearing a pretty well known actress tell a very well known interviewer on television, "I'm really getting into the Internet lately. I just wish it were more organized." So ... If I controlled the Internet, you could auction your broken heart on eBay. Take the money; go to Amazon; buy a phonebook for a country you've never been to -- call folks at random until you find someone who flirts really well in a foreign language.
If I were in charge of the Internet, you could Mapquest your lover's mood swings. Hang left at cranky, right at preoccupied, U-turn on silent treatment, all the way back to tongue kissing and good loving. You could navigate and understand every emotional intersection. Some days, I'm as shallow as a baking pan, but I still stretch miles in all directions. If I owned the Internet, Napster, Monster and Friendster.com would be one big website. That way you could listen to cool music while you pretend to look for a job and you're really just chatting with your pals.
Heck, if I ran the Web, you could email dead people.
They would not email you back -- but you'd get an automated reply.
Their name in your inbox -- it's all you wanted anyway. And a message saying, "Hey, it's me. I miss you.
Listen, you'll see being dead is dandy. Now you go back to raising kids and waging peace and craving candy." If I designed the Internet, childhood.com would be a loop of a boy in an orchard, with a ski pole for a sword, trashcan lid for a shield, shouting, "I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges." Now follow me, OK?
Grandma.com would be a recipe for biscuits and spit-bath instructions. One, two, three. That links with hotdiggitydog.com. That is my grandfather. They take you to gruff-ex-cop-on-his-fourth-marriage.dad. He forms an attachment to kind-of-ditzy-but-still-sends-ginger-snaps-for-Christmas.mom, who downloads the boy in the orchard, the emperor of oranges, who grows up to be me -- the guy who usually goes too far. So if I were emperor of the Internet, I guess I'd still be mortal, huh? But at that point, I would probably already have the lowest possible mortgage and the most enlarged possible penis -- so I would outlaw spam on my first day in office. I wouldn't need it. I'd be like some kind of Internet genius, and me, I'd like to upgrade to deity and maybe just like that -- pop! -- I'd go wireless.
Huh? Maybe Google would hire this. I could zip through your servers and firewalls like a virus until the World Wide Web is as wise, as wild and as organized as I think a modern-day miracle/oracle can get, but, ooh-eee, you want to bet just how whack and un-PC your Mac or PC is going to be when I'm rocking hot-shit-hot-shot-god.net? I guess it's just like life. It is not a question of if you can -- it's: do ya? We can interfere with the interface. We can make "You've got Hallelujah" the national anthem of cyberspace every lucky time we log on. You don't say a prayer. You don't write a psalm. You don't chant an "om." You send one blessed email to whomever you're thinking of at dah-da-la-dat-da-dah-da-la-dat.com

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